Wednesday, December 24, 2014

How We Cope With The Death Of Our Little Angel

Mr. &Mrs. Dy
By Alon Calinao Dy: I'm so excited and just can't describe the feeling I have right now when I've learned that I'm going to be a dad. I don't know if I'm going to be a good father to my future child, but one thing I am sure of I will give all my love to my one and only true wealth, my precious angel.

Last 2 months, we had a false positive result and I'd seen the tears in the eyes of my wife. Honestly, I was sad too. But I comforted and assured her that God has a better plan for us.

I wholeheartedly talked to my wife that my love for her would never ever change. My wife was delighted about the assurance I told her that it was not her fault. We agreed to one another that from now on we would not pressure ourselves having a child. As much as we want to, we offered all our desires to God.

My wife was irregular and her last menstrual cycle was on September 27. I remember she was expecting her menstrual cycle in the month of October because she was having the same signs and symptoms when she has had her period.

Things sometimes happen when you least expect them to. My wife was delayed for 10 days and she tested herself with a pregnancy test kit we had in the drawer. What a great surprise when she tested positive last November 5. I had seen the result, but this time I wanted to be sure since I already learned my first lesson. 

The following day I was so wound up that I could not sleep at night. I waited my wife to have another test as it bothered me a lot to know the truth if she really tested positive in a urine pregnancy test. She was still positive...

That's right. My wife confirmed positive for 5 consecutive days. As an experienced nurse, I know it was not a confirmatory test unless I could see it on the ultrasound machine. I made an appointment with her OB-Gyne with unexplained joy in my heart.

On November 10, we arrived at around 1:00 p.m. at the Dr. Sebastian Maternity clinic in Cabanatuan City. Although her OB-Gyne, Solly Sebastian-Dimacale, had many patients, mostly pregnant women, who came for prenatal care, I could sense my heart rates raised for more than 100 beats per minute. 

I had nervous moments. At the back of my mind, what if it is another false-positive test? Instead of letting fear overwhelmed me, I prayed that everything would be alright. When it was our turn, Dr. Solly showed me the ultrasound result and I'd seen my little angel for the first time. 

The physician said that it was an early pregnancy and the baby was probably 4 to 5 weeks,  and showed me a gestational sac. She then prescribed some vitamins such as calcium and folic acid, Isoxilan to avoid abdominal cramps, and Anmum Materna milk to drink every morning and evening. 

At long last, my worries were gone. I had tears of joy in my eyes but thankfully my wife didn't notice it. At that moment, I wanted to scream loud and jump high, but I controlled myself with the intense excitement. She congratulated me after the consultation.

Food to avoid when pregnant:

  • Alcohol
  • Tea
  • Carbonated drinks
  • Caffeine 
  • Raw or under cooked fish and shellfish
  • Unpasteurized milk
  • Fish such as swordfish, mackerel, and shark
  • Processed food such luncheon meat and hot dog
  • Sushi
  • Unwashed fruit/veggie
  • Others

The key to successful pregnancy is no other than a solemn prayer at which point when you are down, happy, and whatever you feel. I don't believe that there is an unanswered prayer. I know God has better plans for all of us. Ever since, I had a strong faith in Him. Over the last two years, I desired to have a child. Now that God granted my wishes, I'd like to let everyone know that there is a God who hears our prayers. Don't give up now! Trust Him.

My 3 Favorite Verses:

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us."
-- 1 John 5:14

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."
-- Matthew 21:22

"Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."
-- Psalm 37:4

On November 25, 2014, it was the happiest moment of my life when I saw the image and heard the heartbeats of my baby on the ultrasound monitor. I even counted the overall heart rates at 126 per minute. 

I was very happy at the time that my baby, as I named him Gabrielle (though I'd no idea what's the real gender of my little one), was healthy and made us elated for a while.

About a month later, on December 19, 2014, the saddest day came into my life when the third prenatal checkup with Dr. Solly did not go well. The obstetrician informed me that she could not find any fetal heart rate and activity after she checked my wife's abdomen on the monitor. To make it sure, She also verified and examined it through what we called transvaginal ultrasound in order to determine the overall general health of the baby.

Dr. Solly said, "the baby died." My world suddenly fell apart when I couldn't do something about it, as it was like a needle pinned my heart. I almost burst into tears. I nearly dropped my mobile phone knowing the bad news. I couldn't exactly understand what happened to our little angel since weeks ago, he seemed perfectly fine and all of a sudden he was lifeless.

The doctor assured us that it was nobody's fault; there had been a problem with his entire development as it had a little head and a large body. She predicted that the heart probably stopped beating 4 days ago. She added that it's supposedly 9 weeks and 2 days now, but due to heart problems or unknown reason he stops growing a little bit.

Dr. Solly advised my wife to take a food supplement Eveprim 1000 m.g. that aids in facilitating a monthly period and helps to soften the cervix. She also suggested her to undergo a procedure called dilation and curettage as soon as possible so that her health condition would not be compromised and be taken care of.

I know we were all shocked and at the denial stage about the unfortunate event, but my wife decided to undergo a D&C procedure since it already happened and all we need now is to accept and face the reality.

It was the most painful thing that happened to me, especially to my wife who cried almost every day and night. But the pain in life is inevitable. I simply wish I could turn back time and offer my life instead. I wish our baby did not die. I wish I could hold our little angel right now. I wish Gabrielle has survived to let him know how much we really loved him. How I wish... Oh, dear God.

I know at that moment he was in a perfect seat and in God's hand. We truly cherished a little time he had with us. Perhaps, God did not let Gabrielle live because He had better plans for him and for us.

Our baby Gabrielle was a true treasure in our lives that taught us many things. We've promised him we would never ever forget his memory as long as we are still alive. Our little angel did not fail us, but actually made us a strong couple. He made us a more loving parent with each passing day.

He reminded us that though he was not physically present with us, our love for him was a reminder that we should cherish each other day by day.

After three days, Gre Pearl was admitted at the Premier Medical Center in Nueva Ecija, Philippines; she was discharged from hospital the following day before Christmas. The D&C procedure went well and she looked fine after a D&C procedure. 

As of the moment, I continue monitoring her progress. Although it was a traumatic experience for both of us, we now believe that we would be able to overcome this big challenge in life.

My wife tried to rest after D&C